Etiquette of an Invitation

Today we live in an age that to be invited to something will involve a text message or email, which of course is lovely to receive but what I want to know is what has happened to the old-fashioned invitations?

The only invitations I see in modern times are of course wedding invitations and this new fashion of ‘save the date’. I have been lucky enough that, during my time in Royal service, I was invited to many events at Buckingham Palace and on occasions, Windsor Castle. 

I will never forget receiving the command from the Lord Chamberlain inviting me to Windsor Castle for the wedding of their Royal Highnesses The Prince of Wales and The Duchess of Cornwall. 

As with all of my blogs, let's have a bit of history to this wonderful tradition. Invitations have of course been a way of inviting others into your home. This tradition has of been carried out for many centuries and would have been in the form of a letter delivered by a messenger. Wedding invitations were issued by the town crier who is a man that would walk through the streets announcing in a loud voice the news of the day and anyone within earshot became part of the celebration. Private events were delivered by the method mentioned above. 

The aristocracy was known to send invitations to invite others to their social gatherings and was used in England and France in the 18th century, but this tradition would have gone back possibly another few hundred years. Royals, Lords and Ladies, Dukes and Duchesses and similar invited other’s to their social gatherings by issuing a handwritten announcement of the event. These would be written by the lady of the house or the Secretary or possibly by the butler as it was seen as a mark of education. After the printing press was invented, the aristocracy would still hand write invitations because mass production of invitations by the printing press would be considered to be in bad taste. There would be an inner envelope which would include the invitee's names which would be sealed with a wax seal on the back containing the crest of the family who sent the invitation. The 'outer' envelope was for the protection of the invitation/letter and would have directions on it for the messenger. Once delivered the sender would wait for the response.   

The printing of social invitations did not really begin until the start of the 20th century when the printing press had been accepted by the elite of society. Some people used mass production for invitations as a way to show their wealth and status. The wording they used is very similar to the wording we use today, the only difference was that they would have included the name of the guest as part of the wording. 

Today, we have two kinds of invitations for formal functions which should be prepared on cards engraved in a script from a copperplate. These are formal occasions, such as a luncheon and dinner party or “at Home” invitations for all other parties such as receptions, garden parties, luncheons, dinners and suppers. Please note that on the invitation the ‘a’ for ‘at’ is lower case and the ‘H’ for ‘home’ is upper case. When you received a formal invitation, the wording should be in the third person and be along the lines of Mr and Mrs Smith request the pleasure of your company to celebrate Mr William Smith’s 21st Birthday on Saturday 13th July at the Officers Mess Wellington Barrack, Birdcage Walks SW1. On the bottom left would be the RSVP Répondez s'il vous plaît meaning "Please respond”, with their address underneath. On the right-hand side can be further details, for example, Drinks, Canapés & a Buffet supper and under this would be the time the event starts in pm format (7.30pm) and underneath that should be the dress code, Dress: Black tie.  If the invitation is sent from the Queen, as I mentioned it is a command to which you must respond and attend unless you have a suitable reason not to attend. 

For invitations to events, I always advise that one should send out 6 weeks in advance to the date of the event. A recipient must respond within one week. The response can be along the lines of Dear Mr and Mrs Smith, Thank you for your kind invitation to the 21st Birthday Party of Mr William Smith on Saturday 13th July. I would be delighted to attend and look forward to the date. Yours Sincerely Clare and Charles Landsdown.  

Last week I ran a poll on Twitter in which I asked the question: When invited to attend an event how do you prefer your invitation? The results we interesting as always:-

60% Handwritten

40% Specialist Print

So even after all these centuries, the majority still prefer the old method of handwritten. I personally like both methods and use a wonderful Scottish company called Piccolo Press who without question produce the finest stationery for me. A huge thank you to all that took part in this week’s poll and I will run my next Twitter poll later this week. 

Etiquette of a Gentleman

A Gentleman

In the 21st century, a good question is what does it mean to be a Gentleman? In the centuries gone by it was someone who upheld the codes of etiquette, manners and chivalry. Today, as these traditions are dying, what does it mean to be a gentleman and what do we need to do to ensure Gentlemen don't become an extinct species?

The word "Gentleman" means in Middle English (in the sense 'man of noble birth'): from gentle + man, translating Old French gentilz hom, which refers to any man of good courteous conduct.

In later use, the term denoted a man of a good family (especially one entitled to a coat of arms) but not of the nobility.

The original meaning denoted a man of the lowest rank of the English gentry, below an esquire but above a yeoman. 

This category included the younger sons of the younger sons of peers and the younger sons of baronets, knights and esquires in perpetual succession and thus, the term captures the common denominator of gentility shared by both constituents of the English aristocracy: the peerage and the gentry.

A gentleman would also sign a letter with the ESQ, this stood for the title Esquire historically and was a title of respect accorded to men of higher social rank, below the rank of knight and above the rank of gentleman. It later came to be used as a general courtesy title for any man in a formal setting, usually as a suffix to his name, as in "Grant Harrold, Esq.", with no precise significance.

Now we understand the title of 'Gentleman' but what does it mean in the 21st century. To me, it is someone who treats ladies, the old and children with the utmost of respect and of course show courtesy to other gentlemen. This includes the rules of etiquette and manners. Etiquette is the rule book of how to behave around others and manners being how to behave and treat others. For example, holding doors open, giving up your seat to ladies, children, the old and disabled on public transport and helping others with simple tasks such as crossing the road and helping hail a cab and very importantly, keeping promises. Sadly, the younger generation tends not to understand these time-old customs and it is my duty and that of other similar to me to make sure that these values do not disappear. We do live in a time when ladies are of course treated as equals to men, but there is nothing wrong with showing them respect and courtesy by the values I mentioned above.

All gentlemen should have a basic understanding of etiquette and a full knowledge of manners which should be taught from a very young age. Some of these include knowing when not to say anything, possesses at least one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit and a dinner jacket. They will help carry a house guests’ luggage to their rooms, tip staff in a private house and a gamekeeper in the shooting field, will always say his name when being introduced, is good with staff, can tie his own bow ties, excellent at timekeeping and can of course make the perfect Gin and Tonic.

Last week, on social media we ran a poll asking the question "My question this week is: In the 21st century do you feel Gentlemen have become an extinct species?" I must stay the people who voted was staggering! With over 625 people voting, which showed me this was a question that people feel very passionate about, and thankfully people joined in on the poll to register their vote and feelings on the subject. The results were:

Yes 54%

No 46%

As always, I can't thank you all enough for taking part in the Twitter poll. My personal feelings are that if we don't do something, then the one day we will not have Gentlemen in the world and this will be a very sad day, that our future generations will need to read books or should I say look online to understand what a gentleman was. I will run my next poll this week.

Napkin V Serviette

One thing that has caused a great discussion over the 20th century is the simple question, what is the correct term, Napkin or Serviette? What exactly is a Napkin and a Serviette? Well, before we go into the correct term, let's solve the issue as to what exactly they are.

Napkins, Serviettes or face cloths are pieces of cloth used in dining situations for wiping the mouth and fingers to clean excess food etc from your face and protect you from spills and crumbs which you may acquire during a meal. The word Napkin comes from the French word nappe which is a cloth for covering a table. 

Before we used the cloth we have today, the Romans would use a lump of dough (bread) to wipe their hands. The Romans then had a cloth which was pocket sized and would be carried by them which they would use to mop their brow and was called a sudaria. They also had another cloth called the mappae which was made in medium and large lengths. This went over the edge of the sofa as a protection for the food they took in a reclining position. The fabric was also used to blot the lips. The mappae was used to take away leftovers so in theory the first ever doggy bag.

During the middle ages, the napkin disappeared and you would wipe your hands on whatever came to hand. It was not long until cloths began to be laid on the table of which there were three. These cloths were of a certain length and one was used to wipe your hands and mouth and this evolved into a piece of fabric draped over the arm of the servant. By the 16th century, napkins began to be made of different sizes for different events. In the seventeenth century, the napkin was 35 inches wide and 45 inches long, however, when forks became part of fine dining, the napkin reduced in size as diners were less messy thanks to the use of knives and forks together.

The French court had codes of etiquette for the aristocracy, which included how to use a napkin, when to use it and finally how far to unfold it in the lap. A French treatise dating from 1729 stated that "It is ungentlemanly to use a napkin for wiping the face or scraping the teeth and a most vulgar error to wipe one's nose with it.” This, of course, is very much still the rule for using a napkin to this day. In 1740 tablecloths were made with matching napkins. Dining Napkins can be from 18” x 18” up to 27” x 27”.

Now to a Serviette which is also a piece of cloth or paper and again similar to a napkin but this was used more for meals where you stand up, similar to cocktail napkins. The Chinese are believed to have used paper napkins in 2 BC. A serviette is an old French meaning “to serve”.

In 1954 Nancy Mitford wrote in her essay on “The English Aristocracy” that to say serviette was not correct and the right term is napkin. This, of course, is a debate that continues as some people mistakenly think that a paper napkin is a serviette which is course is incorrect as a napkin is made from paper as well as cloth. As mentioned, napkin means cloth which is exactly what we use to this very day for formal meals. Paper Napkins tend to be used for cocktail receptions and similar.

When it comes to using a Napkin, it is opened and placed on the lap. It is normally opened fully to protect you from crumbs, however, on occasions, ladies and gentlemen will place it on the chest, below the neck to protect the clothes especially when wearing ballgowns etc. Ladies may also place the napkin on their laps with the napkin half folded with the crease away from them so they can use a corner nearest to dab their lips and then place back down so any possible lipstick stains are hidden. Napkins only get placed on the table once the meal is finished, however, if you need to leave the table during the meal then the napkin is placed on the chair. 

In my poll recently I asked, “This Easter when laying your dinner table what is the correct term for the linen cloth?”; the results were:

Napkin    78%

Serviette 22%

As you can imagine this caused a certain amount of wonderful discussion and debate as to what people felt about the terms and the uses connected to them. I personally teach people that we will continue to practice Nancy Mitford’s U & Non-U so we still refer to this piece of cloth as the Napkin! I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone, who took part in this poll and I look forward to running my next one this week. 

Etiquette of Thank you

Thank you

Two simple words that have always been important to show gratitude and appreciation to others. The words have been turned into poems, songs and documents over the centuries. Today, some people still forget to convey these words to others and especially on occasions when they should not be forgotten.

Thank you should be used to tell and show someone you are grateful for something they have given you or for something they may have done for you. “I love the chocolates you gave me, thank you”. You should also say thank you when answering a polite or complimentary question about you, “You’re  very kind, thank you”. It can also be used to accept or refuse something that has been offered to you, “I do not wish to attend, thank you”. It can also be shown as a way of expressing your like or dislike of something, for example, “I would be delighted to try some of your produce, thank you”.

Sadly, today a lot of people forget to use these words to convey that about to each other. I think its a combination including the fact that our lives have become so chaotic that we forget to say thank you for the basic things in life. If someone holds a door open for you or when a waiter brings your food to the table or when a bus driver drops you off at your destination. Of course, there are occasions which people do remember but it can appear as a passing remark and again, this may need backing up by the all too rare handwritten letter.

I strongly recommend people get back into the habit of written thank you letters to each other rather than a text, phone call or email. There is of course nothing wrong with these ways of showing thanks, however they must always be backed up with a letter.

A thank you letter is a very simple yet thoughtful idea which takes very littler time to construct. All you need is some quality paper (I use Piccolo press), a good pen that you are comfortable using (I prefer a fountain pen), however, use what you are comfortable with. You put your address on the top right hand corner followed by the date underneath. On the left hand side, below the line the date is, you begin the letter with Dear (and the name of the recipient) bearing in mind to use titles where appropriate. If it is someone close to you, then you of course may use first names. You then start the new paragraph of the letter with the reason you are writing the letter in the first place, so in this case a thank you letter would be your reason of thanks. This is then carried on in to the main body of the letter during which point you may go into more detail. For example, if you were given money you may wish to explain what you have bought or what you will use it for. You should then bring the letter to an end by asking after the recipient and finishing off by repeating your thanks before ending the letter with something that is appropriate. For example, if it is someone close to you, then it is With Love. If it is an acquaintance, then its yours sincerely, however if you do not know the person at all well then finish with yours faithfully.

Recently I ran an online poll where I asked people: Is it still important people send handwritten letters?  I was staggered at the amount of people who took part in the poll as it was treble the normal amount. The results were:

Yes 83%

No  17% 

This thankfully showed me the majority agreed with my feeling that thank you letters are still important and will hopefully be continued to be written and received for many generations to come, and hopefully my guidance above will help the future generations. As always, a huge thank you to one and all that took part in my poll. 

Etiquette and Art of The Letter

It was Anna Jarvis who first formulated an idea to celebrate mothers in 1908. Her own mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, had been a peace activist who looked after wounded soldiers on both sides in the American Civil War. She created Mothers Day Work Clubs to address issues around public health.

Anna Jarvis wanted to honour her late mother by continuing her work by setting aside a day to honour mothers. The proposal was rejected in 1908 but in 1911 all US states observed the holiday with a few of them officially recognising it as a holiday.

In 1914 Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation designating Mothers Day  would be held on the second Sunday in May as the national holiday to honour all mothers.

In 1912, Anna trademarked the phrases "Second Sunday” and "Mother's Day" as well as creating the Mothers Day International Association.

By the 1920s, Hallmark Cards and similar companies were selling mother’s day cards. Anna did not like the idea of these companies exploiting Mothers Day and threatened legal action.  Anna rightly believed that people should appreciate and honour their mothers by writing them hand written letters expressing their love and gratitude, and did not agree with the idea of buying gifts or cards.

The etiquette of mother’s day is very simple and is in line with the principles of Anna Jarvis. It’s the things that cost no money that mean more than anything.

Why not compose a beautiful, hand written letter? The art of letter writing seems to be dying, as smart phones, tablets and computers take over. It's wonderful to receive a letter and read the thoughtful words from someone who cares, and then read it over and over whenever you want, and it costs no more than a pen and paper, a little time and some careful consideration!

Last week I ran a poll asking my social media followers how they will express their love for their mothers. The results were

Card   31%

Letter 12%

Text.   8%

Other 49%

The results were interesting and from my point of view, sadly the letter got the smallest amount of votes.

If anyone is considering writing a letter on good quality stationery, then I would highly recommend my stationer, Piccolo Press in Scotland who look after my personal and work stationery. Their stationery is simply beautiful.

I would like to say a huge thank you to everybody who took part in my poll. Without your votes these blogs would not be possible. Thank you.

To get in touch with Piccolo Press, please look here: http://www.piccolopress.co.uk/

The State Opening of Parliament

The Opening of Parliament began out of practical necessity. By the late fourteenth century, the means by which the King gathered his nobles and representatives of the Commons had begun to follow an established pattern. First of all, Peers' names were checked against the list of those who had been summoned, and representatives of the Commons were checked against the sheriffs' election returns. The Peers were robed and sat in the Painted Chamber at Westminster then the Commons were summoned, and stood at the Bar (entrance) of the Chamber. 

A speech or sermon was then given by the Lord Chancellor explaining why Parliament had been summoned, after which the Lords and Commons went separately to discuss the business in hand. The monarch normally presided however not only for the Opening but also for the deliberations which followed.

In modern time, the State Opening of Parliament marks the formal start of the parliamentary year and the Queen's Speech sets out the government’s agenda for the coming session, outlining proposed policies and legislation. It is the only regular occasion when the three constituent parts of Parliament, the Sovereign, the House of Lords and the House of Commons meet.

State Opening happens on the first day of a new parliamentary session or shortly after a general election. The State Opening of Parliament normally takes place in May/June.

State Opening is the main ceremonial event of the parliamentary calendar, attracting large crowds and a significant television and online audience. It begins with the Queen's procession from Buckingham Palace to Westminster, escorted by the Household Cavalry.

Before the arrival of the Queen, the Imperial State Crown is carried to the Palace of Westminster in its own State Coach. From the Victoria Tower, the Crown is passed by the Queen's Bargemaster to the Comptroller of the Lord Chamberlain's office. It is then carried, along with the Great Sword of State and the Cap of Maintenance, to be displayed in the Royal Gallery.

The Queen arrives by carriage at the Sovereign's Entrance accompanied by her consort Prince Philip and are met by Lord Speaker, the Lord Chancellor (with the Purse containing the Queen's Speech), the Lord Great Chamberlain and the Earl Marshal. They proceed to the Robing Room. The Royal Standard is hoisted to replace the Union Flag upon the Sovereign's entrance and remains flying whilst The Queen is in attendance.

Wearing the Imperial State Crown and the Robe of State, The Queen leads the Royal Procession through the Royal Gallery, packed with 600 guests, to the chamber of the House of Lords. The Queen then proceeds through the Royal Gallery to the House of Lords. The procession is formed, marshalled by the Earl Marshal, and after the procession through the Royal Gallery they enter the Prince's Chamber to the Chamber of the House of Lords, usually accompanied by the Duke of Edinburgh and immediately preceded by the Earl Marshal, and by one peer being the Leader of the House of Lords carrying the Cap of Maintenance on a white rod, and another peer normally a retired senior military officer carrying the Great Sword of State, all following the Lord Great Chamberlain and his white stick, commonly the practical implement of ceremonial ushers, raised aloft. Once seated on the throne, the Queen, wearing the Imperial State Crown, instructs the House by saying, "My Lords, pray be seated"; her consort takes his seat on the throne to her left and other members of the Royal family may be seated elsewhere on the dais, for example the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall are seated on thrones on a lower portion of the dais to the Queen's right. 

When Her Majesty has taken Her seat on the Throne, the Lord Speaker and Lord Chancellor stand on Her right at the foot of the steps of the Throne. The Queen is attended by the Officers of State. The Queen then commands Black Rod, through the Lord Great Chamberlain, to summon the Commons, which he does in these words:

▪ "Mr/Madam Speaker,

▪ The Queen commands this honourable House to attend Her Majesty immediately in the House of Peers."

Motioned by the Monarch, the Lord Great Chamberlain raises his wand of office to signal to the Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod (known as Black Rod), who is charged with summoning the House of Commons and has been waiting in the Commons lobby. Black Rod turns and, under the escort of the Door-keeper of the House of Lords and a police inspector, who orders "Hats off, Strangers!" to all persons along the way, approaches the doors to the Chamber of the Commons.

As Black Rod approaches the doors to the Commons chamber are shut in his face: a practice dating back to the Civil War, symbolising the Commons independence from the monarchy. In 1642, King Charles I stormed into the House of Commons in an unsuccessful attempt to arrest the Five Members, which included the celebrated English patriot and leading parliamentarian John Hampden. Since that time, no British monarch has entered the House of Commons when it is sitting^. 

Black Rod strikes the door three times before it is opened. The Speaker then The Sergeant-at-Arms picks up the ceremonial mace and with the Speaker and Black Rod they proceed to attend the summons at once as they lead the Members of the House of Commons who then walk in pairs, towards the House of Lords.  By tradition, the members walk with each other in much discussion and joking rather than a formal process. 

The Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition followed by The Deputy Prime Minister and the Deputy Leader of the Opposition usually walk side by side, leading the two lines of MPs. The Commons then arrive at the Bar of the House of Lords where they bow to the Queen. No person who is not a member of the Upper House may pass the Bar unbidden when it is in session. A similar rule applies to the Commons. They remain standing at the Bar during the speech.

The Queen's Speech is delivered by the Queen from the Throne in the House of Lords and is presented to her Lord Chancellor. Although the Queen reads the Speech, it is written by the government. It contains an outline of its policies and proposed legislation for the new parliamentary session.

Following the speech, the Queen leaves the chamber before the Commons bow again and return to their Chamber.

When the Queen leaves, a new parliamentary session starts and Parliament gets back to work. Members of both Houses debate the content of the speech and agree an ‘Address in Reply to Her Majesty’s Gracious Speech’. Each House continues the debate over the planned legislative programme for several days, looking at different subject areas. The Queen's Speech is voted on by the Commons, but no vote is taken in the Lords.

Traditions:

The traditions surrounding State Opening and the delivery of a speech by the monarch can be traced back as far as the 16th century. The current ceremony dates from the opening of the rebuilt Palace of Westminster in 1852 after the fire of 1834.

Before the The Queen arrives at the Palace of Westminster, the cellars are searched by the Yeomen of the Guard in order to prevent a modern-day Gunpowder Plot. The Plot of 1605 involved a failed attempt by a group of provincial English Catholics led by Robert Catesby to blow up the Houses of Parliament and kill the Protestant King James I and aristocracy. Since that year, the cellars have been searched, now largely, but not only, for ceremonial purposes.