The Ritual Of A Handshake

Handshakes have been an important part of human civilization for many centuries, the first thing we do as human beings, when we meet another human being is to offer a hand as a sign of friendship and to show we mean no harm to the other person.

As we know, it is not always appropriate to hug or kiss someone, especially if you have never met this person before, so the handshake is without question the perfect introduction to another. Sadly today, the younger generation don’t seem so keen on handshakes as they have become second to a thing called ‘fist bumping’ or ‘hi-fiveing’, which is shocking considering they are the future of the human race, so could this mean an end to handshakes?

We have been shaking hands for over 2500 years. The first recorded image is of two soldiers in ancient Greece shaking hands taken in the fifth century BC. Handshakes are seen as a sign of friendship, and you mean no harm to one another by demonstrating that you held no weapon.  Today, handshakes are offered upon meeting or leaving someone, offering congratulations or showing gratitude to another.  It is also done as a sign of goodwill in sports and competitions, and it shows trust, respect and confidence to one another.

The etiquette of a handshake normally dictates that you shake with the right hand, but this is not always possible, especially if you are disabled or similar, and people should bear this in mind, in order to avoid any embarrassment. You should extend your hand and grasp the other person’s hand, but not too hard that you are trying to wrestle them or crush their hand, and at the same time not too limp that you can’t be bothered to shake the other persons hand, as this can be equally off putting to the other person.  You need to find a middle ground. You then do two to three pumps, up and down and return your hand to your side. The pumps are gentle and not harsh but a gentle up and down action. Remember to keep some distance between you and the person your are shaking hands with, so you are not in their personal space, but at the same time your not stretching to reach each other.

While carrying out this ritual, make sure that your hands are clean and dry and not sweaty or have anything unpleasant on them!

If you are a gentleman, you will remove your gloves, however ladies may keep the gloves on as etiquette dictates. You then repeat this when you leave the other person’s company, for example at the end of meeting, the meal, or the celebration for which you are all together.

There is an argument that handshakes spread germs, while fist bumping lowers the risk. I do not disagree that it may pass on germs, but then we need to use common sense and wash our hands if we feel we have shaken hands with someone who may be unhygienic or give you cause for concern. I always recommend your hands are clean before you shake hands with another to avoid any thoughts on personal hygiene.

Please remember when it comes to royal etiquette, you never shake the hand of a Royal unless they extend their hand first.

You would bow or curtsey, in the first instance, at which point if the Royal wishes, they will extend their hand as a sign for you to shake their hand. This applies to both male and female Royals.

Recently, I ran as poll on Twitter, asking people if they thought handshakes are still relevant in the 21st-century, the results were:

Yes - 89%

No -  11%

Thankfully this showed me that, like myself, the majority still felt that handshakes were an important ritual, which will hopefully continue for anther 2500 years. A huge thank you to everybody who took part in the poll as all of your views count!

The Great Afternoon Tea Debate

Afternoon tea is one of Britain’s greatest pastimes and is very much set in British tradition. There are many variations on this iconic meal and a lot of confusion over the etiquette and guidelines of the correct procedures to enjoy afternoon tea.  Let’s begin with the historical part of afternoon tea. In the 1840s, the seventh Duchess of Bedford, Anna Marie, was visiting the Duke of Rutland at his ancestral home Belvoir Castle in Rutland. While staying at the castle, the Duchess was slightly shocked to discover that dinner was taken later than she was used to. Ladies usually took lunch around midday, as it was a relatively new meal. Anna Marie is rumoured to have said that she had a sunken feeling in the afternoon brought on by the need for something to drink and eat. The Duchess requested the butler to bring her some tea with sandwiches. It was at this point that afternoon tea was created. 

The Duchess of Bedford’s good friend, Her Majesty Queen Victoria, embraced this new meal and encouraged it at court. The Queen and Prince Albert began the Royal tradition of taking afternoon tea between 4pm and 6pm.

Quite simply, afternoon tea consists of tea (Indian or Chinese), sandwiches (preferably finger sandwiches), scones, and delicate cakes. The order of service is usually sandwiches, followed by scones and finally the cakes. You may also find some homes will serve biscuits, bread and jam and of course, in the winter months, crumpets. When you lay the tea place setting, you should use a side plate for your food, accompanied by a knife and fork either side or a tea napkin, which is (12 inches square to be exact). You may also have a plate with a jar of honey for the tea, and another with marmite for crumpets, if they are being offered.

You can use your knife to cut the sandwiches and the scones. There is a myth you never cut scones or sandwiches; this is totally untrue. You can then use the fork for the cake.

While enjoying your tea, you keep your saucer on the table unless you move away from the table, at that point you raise your saucer with the cup. 

The lady of the house always plays “mother”, meaning that she will pour the tea and invite her guests to help themselves to the sandwiches etc. When the lady of the house pours in the tea, she will use a tea strainer, as she should be using loose tealeaves, which is more traditional. Tea bags were originally invented as packaging for tealeaves in New York, however some people assumed you put the whole silk purse into the water.  The lady will ask the guest which tea they prefer “Indian or China” Once poured, the cup is then passed to the guest who will place it on their right above the Knife.

Sugar was not normally added to tea, however we now live in a time where sugar is added to most drinks. The sugar cubes are placed in a bowl for guests to help themselves with a pair of sugar tongs.

Originally, milk was not taken in tea, but this became a common practice in the 18th century. There is a story associated with this. China cups could not always resist the heat of tea and cracked, so there was a race to see who could create China that would not crack.

Josiah Spode came up with the correct formula, which consisted of animal bone. Bone china was born! It was well known that “downstairs” staff still had to put the milk in first so that their cups would not crack, while upstairs the aristocracy were pouring the milk in after, as their fine bone china cups did not. This is a tradition that the aristocracy and Royals continue with to this very day.

Last week, I ran a poll on Twitter asking the question “Do you pour milk in before or after the tea?” The response this created became a very interesting discussion, which resulted in people explaining to me why they poured the milk before or after. Some examples included “milk in first to stop cups from staining” and “how it affects the taste of the tea”.  This of course may be a discussion that we will always be having. The results of my poll were 72% said they put their milk in after the tea, while 28% put it in before. Thank you to all who took part and I will be doing another etiquette poll again soon.

Train Etiquette

I have been travelling to London on quite a few occasions and have noted that politness and manners have left not only the trains but also the platforms of some of our iconic stations. People seem to think they are back in the time of survival of the fittest. People race past you at the station to get on trains that are not leaving for at least 15 minutes. Why I asked myself is there this mad panic? Well it is simple, they all want to get the holy grail...a train seat! All common sense goes out of the window and ladies are pushed aside by these so called gentleman who try to get a seat before anybody else. Gone are the days when a gentleman would make sure a lady has a seat on a locomotive, or indeed help her board the train she is travelling on.

There is not even an offer of assistance to ladies, children or the elderly. The so called gentlemen make the pilgrimage to their thrones. I have been horrified to see this and now feel the time has come to remind gentleman that this is exacly what they are suppose to be, gentlemen! At my Royal Etiquette classes at Blenheim Palace and The Ritz Hotel in London, we can not stress the point enough the importance that a gentlleman should always act as such and I assure you that this is not taking place at our train stations accross the country.

I have noted that nobody ever asks if they may sit next to somebody regardless of if they have a seat booked or not. Out of common politeness before you invade somebody elses space, it is a common courtesy to ask if you may sit next to that person, and again out of politness they should be more than happy to allow this. It amazes me when boarding a train that others commuting put bags or laptops on the chair next to them to try and claim two chairs. This is just plain rude and I do not encourage this at all. May I remind all true gentlemen to help ladies put items in the storage areas where appropriate. 

Let us try to put the Great back into a Great British Railways.