Etiquette of a Gentleman

A Gentleman

In the 21st century, a good question is what does it mean to be a Gentleman? In the centuries gone by it was someone who upheld the codes of etiquette, manners and chivalry. Today, as these traditions are dying, what does it mean to be a gentleman and what do we need to do to ensure Gentlemen don't become an extinct species?

The word "Gentleman" means in Middle English (in the sense 'man of noble birth'): from gentle + man, translating Old French gentilz hom, which refers to any man of good courteous conduct.

In later use, the term denoted a man of a good family (especially one entitled to a coat of arms) but not of the nobility.

The original meaning denoted a man of the lowest rank of the English gentry, below an esquire but above a yeoman. 

This category included the younger sons of the younger sons of peers and the younger sons of baronets, knights and esquires in perpetual succession and thus, the term captures the common denominator of gentility shared by both constituents of the English aristocracy: the peerage and the gentry.

A gentleman would also sign a letter with the ESQ, this stood for the title Esquire historically and was a title of respect accorded to men of higher social rank, below the rank of knight and above the rank of gentleman. It later came to be used as a general courtesy title for any man in a formal setting, usually as a suffix to his name, as in "Grant Harrold, Esq.", with no precise significance.

Now we understand the title of 'Gentleman' but what does it mean in the 21st century. To me, it is someone who treats ladies, the old and children with the utmost of respect and of course show courtesy to other gentlemen. This includes the rules of etiquette and manners. Etiquette is the rule book of how to behave around others and manners being how to behave and treat others. For example, holding doors open, giving up your seat to ladies, children, the old and disabled on public transport and helping others with simple tasks such as crossing the road and helping hail a cab and very importantly, keeping promises. Sadly, the younger generation tends not to understand these time-old customs and it is my duty and that of other similar to me to make sure that these values do not disappear. We do live in a time when ladies are of course treated as equals to men, but there is nothing wrong with showing them respect and courtesy by the values I mentioned above.

All gentlemen should have a basic understanding of etiquette and a full knowledge of manners which should be taught from a very young age. Some of these include knowing when not to say anything, possesses at least one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit and a dinner jacket. They will help carry a house guests’ luggage to their rooms, tip staff in a private house and a gamekeeper in the shooting field, will always say his name when being introduced, is good with staff, can tie his own bow ties, excellent at timekeeping and can of course make the perfect Gin and Tonic.

Last week, on social media we ran a poll asking the question "My question this week is: In the 21st century do you feel Gentlemen have become an extinct species?" I must stay the people who voted was staggering! With over 625 people voting, which showed me this was a question that people feel very passionate about, and thankfully people joined in on the poll to register their vote and feelings on the subject. The results were:

Yes 54%

No 46%

As always, I can't thank you all enough for taking part in the Twitter poll. My personal feelings are that if we don't do something, then the one day we will not have Gentlemen in the world and this will be a very sad day, that our future generations will need to read books or should I say look online to understand what a gentleman was. I will run my next poll this week.

The Ritual Of A Handshake

Handshakes have been an important part of human civilization for many centuries, the first thing we do as human beings, when we meet another human being is to offer a hand as a sign of friendship and to show we mean no harm to the other person.

As we know, it is not always appropriate to hug or kiss someone, especially if you have never met this person before, so the handshake is without question the perfect introduction to another. Sadly today, the younger generation don’t seem so keen on handshakes as they have become second to a thing called ‘fist bumping’ or ‘hi-fiveing’, which is shocking considering they are the future of the human race, so could this mean an end to handshakes?

We have been shaking hands for over 2500 years. The first recorded image is of two soldiers in ancient Greece shaking hands taken in the fifth century BC. Handshakes are seen as a sign of friendship, and you mean no harm to one another by demonstrating that you held no weapon.  Today, handshakes are offered upon meeting or leaving someone, offering congratulations or showing gratitude to another.  It is also done as a sign of goodwill in sports and competitions, and it shows trust, respect and confidence to one another.

The etiquette of a handshake normally dictates that you shake with the right hand, but this is not always possible, especially if you are disabled or similar, and people should bear this in mind, in order to avoid any embarrassment. You should extend your hand and grasp the other person’s hand, but not too hard that you are trying to wrestle them or crush their hand, and at the same time not too limp that you can’t be bothered to shake the other persons hand, as this can be equally off putting to the other person.  You need to find a middle ground. You then do two to three pumps, up and down and return your hand to your side. The pumps are gentle and not harsh but a gentle up and down action. Remember to keep some distance between you and the person your are shaking hands with, so you are not in their personal space, but at the same time your not stretching to reach each other.

While carrying out this ritual, make sure that your hands are clean and dry and not sweaty or have anything unpleasant on them!

If you are a gentleman, you will remove your gloves, however ladies may keep the gloves on as etiquette dictates. You then repeat this when you leave the other person’s company, for example at the end of meeting, the meal, or the celebration for which you are all together.

There is an argument that handshakes spread germs, while fist bumping lowers the risk. I do not disagree that it may pass on germs, but then we need to use common sense and wash our hands if we feel we have shaken hands with someone who may be unhygienic or give you cause for concern. I always recommend your hands are clean before you shake hands with another to avoid any thoughts on personal hygiene.

Please remember when it comes to royal etiquette, you never shake the hand of a Royal unless they extend their hand first.

You would bow or curtsey, in the first instance, at which point if the Royal wishes, they will extend their hand as a sign for you to shake their hand. This applies to both male and female Royals.

Recently, I ran as poll on Twitter, asking people if they thought handshakes are still relevant in the 21st-century, the results were:

Yes - 89%

No -  11%

Thankfully this showed me that, like myself, the majority still felt that handshakes were an important ritual, which will hopefully continue for anther 2500 years. A huge thank you to everybody who took part in the poll as all of your views count!